Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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