if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
