Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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