You made me cry and you don't even care
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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