I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
