Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
