Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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