you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
