pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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