Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
