I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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