i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
