Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize