I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
