he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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