I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
