i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
