In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
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You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
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If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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