Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Randomize
