hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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