its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
