I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Randomize
