I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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