Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
