i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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