can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
