I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Randomize
