cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
