it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
