i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
