i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Randomize
