ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
