Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
