Barsexuality is the new black.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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