it was like having sex with a tree stump
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
