I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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