and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
