who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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