He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
