if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
