My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
His nipple licking is glorious
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