Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
