So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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