were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We were destined to go to rehab together
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
