Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
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i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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