He disabled his match.com account in front of me
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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