I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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