Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
