Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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