I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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