I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
