youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
