so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
