just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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