its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
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I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
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I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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