I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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