If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
