return my video game
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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