Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
