I want to stick my p in your. b.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Randomize
