I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
