Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Houston, we have a squirter
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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