don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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