So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
