Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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