Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
