she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
