My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize