he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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