There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
