Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
FUCK WHALES
jump out the window naked night went bad
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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