So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
