I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
