Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
