he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
