dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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