I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
