i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
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