my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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