hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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