I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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