forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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